Rain Reflections

The rain is finally falling. I’ve anticipated it for days, disappointed each time time passed with more sunny skies and no signs of change. But today it came suddenly, and surprisingly unexpected for how long I’ve expected it. The sound of steady pattering on metal and wood, tree branch and leaf, rose as it danced into our courtyard, loud and insistent,  gentle and demurring, calling me out to it time and again to stand witness to and with delight. I opened the heavy sliding door wide to take it in and left it open all afternoon, despite the impracticalities of the running a/c. There was no room for barriers between. Containment and restrain had no place. The spirit of the rain needed free reign to and with the spirit of my soul, and my soul needed to dance freely with the rain, ordinary reigning in all its glory, glorying in the rush and mist and drops of life in free-fall somersaults from heaven.

While the rain reigned free, my work followed suit, flowing from research to writing to reflection. One of my clients was heavy on my mind. Our last session left him unresolved, still in process, not knowing when his deeper truths will come. He’s come so far in digging and discovery… but the elusive “it” — that purposeful work and must-do passion expressed in career — it’s beyond his grasp right now. I’m anxious because I want to help him. I want to end the unrest and reach the other side already, to have him experience the “Ah-ha!” moment. I want his rain to come and to stand witness to and with his delight.

But there are barriers between. I see and know them well. Containment of imagination and the restrain of perceived restrictions on reality won’t let him see beyond to what could be, what can be. Not even to dream what if. Not yet.

Not yet while his eyes are fixed on fixed positions like the sun in the sky that has blazed so hot for so many days and years it’s blinded him even to the need of rain around him. The earth is dry, so many places covered in thickness of dust and dirt, like his own parched spirit, but all he longs for, all he knows, is his own thirst needing to be quenched.

He’s been disappointed so many times time passed with more sun and no signs of change.

I read and research more, looking for the next right step for him, for the misting that will reach him in the way he needs, that he will receive, and know there’s more to come. And while I wait and read and wonder, the rain stops before I am ready for its end, and starts again before I wonder when.

And in between?

Hope. Confident, knowing hope that the rain that was will be once more. Present hope without thought, until thought brings it forward.

In a moment with this simple inconsequential transition I realize— this is what he needs. This ease of being, of quiet, solid hope in the in-between, of not yet and what will be. It is what he needs right now. Hope pattering down, loud and insistent, gentle and demurring. Hope felt as sure as rain on metal and wood.

For him, as I know his journey well, it is hope-specific in a love-specific that’s sure, without refrain, for him. This must be in motion, hope-alive, before hope to a world seen in need of rain can be given, unrestrained, from him.

His greatest need and desire, cloaked in career-pursuit and purpose-hunger, is to have the love he longs for returned to him.

Hope in motion and love received, frees.

And the rain pounded “Yes!” on the window pane. Is it not so for all of us? We love because someone first loved us.

I sit on the couch looking out at the twilight, our courtyard lit with strung lights crisscrossed across the opening, raindrops still gently misting the wet-soaked flowers. Hours have passed and peace returned. I know where next to go and can’t wait for our next appointment. Step by step hope and life, like the lights strung across the garden, making bright the darkest night.

Love and hope in motion — when known, received, given —like rain on parched dry land glorying in the rush and mist and drops of life in free-fall somersaults from heaven.

Who is it in your life that needs this most right now? Don’t hold back but set them free. Be the rain the world needs.

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